What If? - Robert Cowley (ed.)

Robert Cowley (ed.) – What If? (1999)
History – 400 pages – my copy (paperback; 2001) bought for £2.49 from the Oxfam Bookshop in Chiswick, London, sometime in 2008
- 3 nods out of 5 -

Simple parlour games, have said many historians in the past. But the “what ifs” of history have long lasting popularity with the reading public. This selection of articles, edited by Robert Cowely, continues in the same imaginary vein of previous incarnations; the front cover also true to form, with Hitler – remember him? – saluting victoriously at the head of the march of soldiers throughout history.

Cowley’s edited pieces are upon military outcomes, from the Greek fights against the Persians in 480 B.C., through to the second half of the twentieth century. It depicts the Mongols turning back from their European invasion, the Spanish Armada, the American Civil War, and of course, many scenarios from the Second World War (‘How Hitler Could Have Won the War’, ‘D Day Fails’ and so on…). Each article is easy to read, informative and ultimately, enjoyable. The layman is introduced to key battles in history, with each historian following the same format: background to event, the event itself, and the plausibility of different outcomes.

The unfortunate hindrance of What If? is the blatant American bias: we have the American fight for independence (3 articles), the American Civil War (3 articles), as well as the American involvement in the Second World War. By way of comparison, the Roman Empire is given a mere one article, while Asia (but for the Mongols) and African history is non-existent. These are the works of American military historians, writing for a primarily American audience; but it becomes highly annoying when all scenarios lead to how it effects the United States. Without Cortez, could there be the USA? Without Drake, could there be the USA? Without the Spartans….and so on.

At no point does Cowley’s selection threaten to grab the reader; unlike other “parlour games” of recent publication, most notably Niall Ferguson’s Virtual History (previously reviewed by the Worm, and given a handsome 4 nods). But as conversation fodder for eager pub quizzers, it is a fitting book for the shelf.

The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

J.D. Salinger – The Catcher in the Rye (1945)
Novel – 190 pages – my copy (paperback; 1994) bought for £2.99 from the Oxfam Bookshop in St. Austell, Cornwall in July 2010
- 5 nods out of 5 -

The Catcher in the Rye is one of those novels that have captured public imagination for more than half a century. It charts the tale of Holden Caulfield - a confused and angry teenager – and his attempt to remove himself from the world around him; primarily away from “the fakes”.

Salinger’s creation has long been a hit with fans: Holden has been rhymed in song, debated in critique, while providing the misguided inspiration in Mark Chapman’s killing of John Lennon. One of its enduring images is of Holden talking about his self proclaimed role to save the kids playing amongst the rye from falling from the cliffs: ‘I mean if they’re running and they don’t look where they’re going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That’s all I’d do all day. I’d just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it’s crazy, but that’s the only thing I’d really like to be. I know it’s crazy.’ (p156).

The Worm read Salinger’s short and lively novel whilst a child himself; Holden’s quest for truth and enlightenment staying long with him. Now, older – even if perhaps no wiser – the Worm returned to the book as a nod to the novelist himself, who died earlier this year. What makes The Catcher in the Rye an enduring read is the continuing strength of the characters. Of course, Holden himself, but also those around him: Ackley and Stradlater from the dorm, the ‘three witches’ from the bar, Maurice the pimp, Mr Antolini, and Holden’s kid sister, Phoebe. They remain vivid due to Holden’s portrait of them, his opinions both potent and powerful.

The reader remains loyal to Holden and his search for honesty, from the bars and clubs, to the talks with the taxi drivers, to his heart-felt reminisces of his dead brother, Allie. We believe him when he tells his girlfriend Sally he wants to run away with her, and believe him again when he confesses: ‘If you want to know the truth, I don’t even know why I started all that stuff with her. I mean about going away somewhere, to Massachusetts and Vermont and all. I probably wouldn’t’ve taken her even if she’d wanted to go with me. She wouldn’t have been anybody to go with. The terrible part, though, is that I meant it when I asked her. That’s the terrible part. I swear to God I’m a madman’ (p.120).

Second read, there are noticeable pitfalls in the text, begging the question: did Salinger actually know where he was going with this character, with this story, when writing it? Most likely not. Furthermore, the ending would have been better served a page short, thus removing the final line: ‘Don’t tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody’ (p.192), and replacing with the much stronger image of “good old Phoebe” riding upon the merry-go-around, Holden’s eyes full of tears.

The Catcher in the Rye will continue to capture popular imagination; the strength of Holden Caulfield cannot fail to evoke questions within us about our place in society and interactions with those we love and trust. But it is a read best served when under twenty years of age; perhaps the advancing years distance the reader from Holden’s naive quest for his own brand of the truth.

Manchester United: A Biography - Jim White

Jim White – Manchester United: The Biography (2008)
Sports – 420 pages – my copy (hardback; 2010) bought from The Works for £3 in July 2010
- 3 nods

The Worm has a statement for you all: Manchester United is the greatest football team on the planet. And the Worm does not state so, due to being a United fan. No, no, the statement has fact as well as emotional ties. They have a grand and sweeping history, are the home of George Best, of Bobby Charlton and of the French King Eric Cantona. They have won all the cups there are to win: Premier Leagues, FA Cups, and European Cups. The Red Devils play at the Theatre of Dreams, in front of the largest attendances, spoken of by the largest number of fans upon the planet. The greatest, period.

Jim White’s history upon United – he, too, would agree with the above, valid statement – takes the reader from its humble origins as Newton Heath in the late Victorian period, through the wars to the modern day riches of the twenty first century. It ends in the 2008 Champions League final; John Terry’s choked penalty shot a fitting climax to all that has come before.

Throughout all, White is an amiable host, charting the ups and downs across the decades. Despite a pendant for quoting the words ‘parsimonious defence’ once too often, the author is funny and insightful. Although there were earlier successes – such as the title win of 1909 – the real history of United heats up with the arrival of Matt Busby after the Second World War. Then came the Busby Babes; the Holy Trinity of Law, Best and Charlton; titles and glory; flare and drama.

Yes, plenty of drama, including the 1958 Munich air crash, which robbed United and England of a generation of almighty talent (none more so than the impressive Duncan Edwards). For many, the crash brought about a strong romantic attachment that continues to the present day. The height of which came ten years later with United’s very first European Cup win, thus vindicating Busby’s quest.

The years in-between the two Scots – both Busby and Ferguson – are ones of mediocrity, an attempt to beat the likes of Liverpool. Much chopping and changing of managers, of which Ron Atkinson provides the book’s liveliest quotes, end with the arrival of the glum Glaswegian in 1986, who has continued to lead United to it’s current status as the world’s largest club. Oh, and of course, “the greatest football team on the planet.”

Manchester United: A Biography is not a read for anyone without an interest in football. Of course, it is catered for United fans – but the United Church is a million strong one, with White’s book a welcome addition to large catalogue of histories and autobiographies. So, altogether now: Glory, glory Man United… Glory, glory Man United…

The Passion of New Eve - Angela Carter

Angela Carter – The Passion of New Eve (1977)
Novel – 190 pages – my copy (paperback; 2002) bought from Amazon for a trifling sum - 2008
- 4 nods

The Passion of New Eve charts the adventures of Evelyn, starting in London and ending upon the deep blue of the Pacific coast. In-between, Evelyn is down and out in civil war torn New York; is kidnapped and subjected to a sex change; programmed into womanhood and arranged to give birth to a child of the new world; escapes and is – again – kidnapped by the vicious Zero and continually raped amongst an awful harem of girls; finally escaping again with a Hollywood female icon, who, in fact, turns out to be male; and on it continues, until Evelyn – now Eve – is left alone upon the ‘ocean, mother of mysteries, bear me to the place of birth’ (p.191).

Sounds like a handful. And indeed, Angela Carter’s twisted picaresque novel is just that. It is adventure and thriller, fitting neatly into the Science Fiction dystopia mould (though Carter herself would call it Speculative Fiction). Yet, it is much more than that. A critique of the modern world, of our possible diverging futures: of feminism, of racism, of ourselves.

Throughout Evelyn’s journey, the myth that surrounds him breaks down: from the matriarchy of Mother to the patriarchy of Zero. Both are evil, bloated figures; Mother is a God-like figure giving “life”, telling Evelyn: ‘I am the Great Parricide, I am the Castratrix of the Phallocentric Universe, I am Mama, Mama, Mama!’ (p.67). Her followers are fanatical, shearing their left breast to follow her. While Zero oppresses the women in his harem, forcing them to follow his scripture and law, what is in effect the ‘Church of Zero’ (p.99). All are destroyed, resulting in Eve sailing upon the innocent, fresh waves of the ocean – ready for the future, a new synthesis.

Yet it is the breaking down of gender identity that makes this novel such a compelling read, which reaches it’s peak of confusion in Eve’s marriage to Tristessa (a man who has hidden his “secret” for an entire life): ‘both were bride, both were groom’ (p.135). As Eve states: ‘I was a boy disguised as a girl and now disguised as a boy again’ (p.132). The witnesses to the wedding, a blurred menagerie of mannequins symbolise this union: ‘Ramon Navarro’s head was perched on Jean Harlow’s torso and had one arm from John Barrymore Junior, the other from Marilyn Monroe and legs from yet other donors – all assembled in haste, so they looked like picture-puzzles’ (p.134).

As expected, Carter’s writing style is dense in symbolic imagery and references to figures of the past (particularly Greek goddesses). As such, The Passion of New Eve is a heavy read, and not a particularly heart warming one. There is much distress within these two hundred pages; rape and murder among them. But it is a read better understood and enjoyed second time round. Carter’s insight and questions to us, the reader, surely ensures there will be a second sitting with this book.

At Home - Bill Bryson

Bill Bryson – At Home - A Short History of Private Life (2010)
History – 490 pages – my copy (hardback, 2010) signed by the mighty Bill Bryson himself in May, 2010
-3 nods

There is a back-story to the reading of this book. If the Worm may indulge his readership, he is eager to tell it:

It begins one sunny May day. The Worm ventured from deepest Devon to the town of Bath. There in the Topping & Co bookshop, the same very Mr Bryson was sitting signing books. One such lucky book was this copy of At Home. A treat indeed, for the Bryson adoring Worm.

At Home is a run through each of the room’s of Bryson’s Norfolk house, asking the questions of why we do just what we do (for instance, why the key condiments of salt and pepper, and not salt or cinnamon?). The author takes his home as the book’s basic structure as we, the reader, fly through centuries of history.

At first lovingly devoured, the first new release for years since The Thunderbolt Kid (the Shakespeare biography to be quickly forgotten), the Worm was ready for this read. Unfortunately, the book itself failed to live up to the adventure of the signature.

Yes, there are the usual hallmarks of Bryson: vast and interesting digressions, humour and wit, an unending fondness for small facts and an ever willing need to learn more about the world. But throughout many points in At Home the digression lingers into sterility and the wit vanishes. Yes, the small facts remain – however, the book takes the appearance of a series of cut and pasted Wikipedia articles.

Want to learn about the Eiffel tower? About the nouvel riches of powerful American families? Of, indeed, much beside private life – the very driving point of this book! Then this offering is for you. However, for those still in search of our private lives, we must search on.

Thankfully, Bryson warms up after two hundred pages. Yet the final assessment must be made that it is much too long – 490 pages! – and much too pointless. Where is the Bryson of former times, of the man who brought us The Short History of Nearly Everything? It raises a few questions: has Bryson gone off the boil? Or has the Worm lost his love for the bearded bard?

But a glimpse upon the row of Bryson's titles upon the "Bryson-Shelf" convinces the Worm that love is not lost. Too many jokes, too many adventures. Time can heal all wounds.

The Worm's Yearly Review 2009-2010

It was the best of books; it was the worst of books.

The Worm’s mission of devouring one hundred books fell a little short. After keeping up the pace until Christmas 2009, the Worm slackened in the New Year (blast gainful employment!). Yet the final figure – a handsome and rounded sixty-eight – was one full of many beauties, many fantastical reads, and, as always, the novelty and pointless.

First to the Worm’s top ten of 2009-2010:

1. Berlin Diary (1941) – William Shirer
The diary gives anyone with an interest in Hitler and Nazism a refreshing viewpoint. Based upon Shirer’s entries whilst in the German capital during 1930s, the author keeps his reader firmly entertained throughout. Unique and gripping. 5 nods.

2. Lord Jim (1900) – Joseph Conrad
Acclaimed as one of the prime writers in the English language, Lord Jim is arguably his finest achievement. A real heavyweight of literature. 5 nods.

3. Rights of Man (1792) – Thomas Paine
Required reading for anyone who seriously wishes to discuss liberty and all things political. An easy and accessible read. Paine remains a true legend. 5 nods.

4. The American Future (2008) – Simon Schama
The only “modern” 5 nodder the Worm read in the past year. Schama is rightfully known as a leading historian: opposite his analytical prowess is a talent to entertain. 5 nods.

5. Wuthering Heights (1847) – Emily Bronte
A true English classic. Victorian literature is known for its priggishness and clichéd love stories; but this Bronte does not fail to deliver a mesmerising and devastating tale. 5 nods.

6. The Annals of Imperial Rome (ed. 1956) – Tacitus
A history passed down hundreds upon hundreds of years. Tacitus’s observations remain valid to those in power today. 5 nods.

7. Macbeth (1606) – William Shakespeare
Shakespeare for the fast and furious: blood and gore and general overall madness. 4 nods.

8. The Selfish Gene (1976) – Richard Dawkins
Thought provoking prose from the equally heralded and despised Dawkins. Is chief failing is Dawkins overall storytelling. 4 nods.

9. War & Peace (1869) – Leo Tolstoy
Thrilling and gripping. But, of course, much too long. 4 nods.

10. Ghost Train to the Eastern Star (2008) – Paul Theroux
Theroux is the perfect travel companion. Take this journey with him across Europe and Asia. 4 nods.
Six genuine 5 nodders; unfortunately, a few other reads fell a little short. If these are the good, then the bad and distinctly ugly compete for the Worm’s Shredder Award. Entrants include the 1 nodders Great Political Eccentrics (1999) by disgraced former Tory MP Neil Hamilton, Ben Elton’s Popcorn (1996), Matt Forbeck’s fantasy novel Blood Bowl (2006), and Dribble (2007) by Harry Pearson. After much debating, the ultimate loser – or winner – goes to Matt Forbeck’s crazy and truly awful Blood Bowl (2006). I defended the novel in my review last year due to personal and long standing ties to the game – yet not even the Worm can save it from the shredder.

Apologies are sent out to Richard Dawkins’ God Delusion (2006), Bret Easton Ellis’ Less Than Zero (1985), and Walter Allen’s The English Novel (1954). All were marked severely by a scolding Worm; and subsequent nagging doubt has raised their final grades by a nod.

Whilst special mentions go out to Bill Bryson and the historian Niall Ferguson. Both kept the Worm’s eyes warm on many a night this past year, each contributing three books to the final number of sixty eight (Bryson: Mother Tongue, African Diary, Down Under; Ferguson: The War of the World, Empire, Virtual History). If these constituted personal favourites, there are many authors who will never be revisited, such as the dull D.J. Bercuson & H.H. Herwig, as well as the previously mentioned 1 nodders.

A total of 21,860 pages were read and fingered, resulting in an average of 321 page book average, ranging from Bryson’s small African Diary (60 pages) to Tolstoy’s door-stopper War & Peace (1,300 pages). 5 nodders constituted nine percent of the 68 books; 4 nodders twenty-seven percent; 3 nodders being the largest on thirty-seven percent; many 2 nodders on twenty-six percent; whilst 1 nodders, thankfully, remained on a low six percent. Works of fiction dominated the Worms’ reading: from novels to short stories. Equally high upon the list were history books, from the Roman Empire to Plymothian fascists. Further favourites were politics and travel; whilst science related reads were boosted by Paul Strathern’s accessible reads.

2009-2010 is now over. A vintage year of reading; but yet the show must go on. The Worm is not yet dead – Long live the Worm!

Full awards:
Book of the Year: Berlin Diary (1941) by William Shirer
Recommended Fiction Read: Lord Jim (1900) by Joseph Conrad
Recommended History Read: American Future (2008) by Simon Schama
Recommended Science Related Read: The Selfish Gene (1976) by Richard Dawkins
Recommended Travel Read: Ghost Train to the Eastern Star (2006) by Paul Theroux
Recommended Autobiographical Read: All Because of Him (1995) by Klara Anderson
Recommended Political Read: Rights of Man (1792) by Thomas Paine
Longest Book Award: War & Peace (1869) by Leo Tolstoy
Shortest Book Award: African Diary (1998) by Bill Bryson
Shredder Award: Blood Bowl (2006) by Matt Forbeck